Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
