i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize