So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
