My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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