Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
