and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
