chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize