I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
