remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
