My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
pray to the hookup gods
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
