I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
