dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
