...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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