Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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