let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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