I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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