if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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