Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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