So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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