you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
