I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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