end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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