trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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