Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
