I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
