The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
