what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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