you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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