You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
