if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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