found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
