My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
