my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
