my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
