the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
