bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
