I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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