It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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