why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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