and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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