The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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