I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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