sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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