Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
