I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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