i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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