she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
