I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And then the night went full on bisexual.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
