pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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