my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
