Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You did what with his pubic hair?
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