girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
