I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
