how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
