I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
