My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
