i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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