Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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