porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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