did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
