I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
