I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
