i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize