I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
