She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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