he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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