i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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