i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think i got beer on your cat.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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