bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
